Melancholy mind state

I've come to learn, even the strongest of people...the most inspiring, have moments of melancholy. Almost indescribable. To say the least. I wish I knew why, but I don't. Took a nap and got an email from my wonderful husband and he was going on about how his team beat mine, bragging, and before I knew it...I was crying. I couldn't understand why. Why am I so sad. Maybe I know why, but I'm lying to myself...I just can't get out of this state of feeling melancholy...

Sometimes the strongest people have the weakest moments.


I miss my husband.

God I love my husband!

This totally made me think of my Roddy bear...Missing him insanely but it's quotes like this that constantly remind me exactly what I'm waiting for. :) <3

When God created the Military Wife

I know this poem has circulated the internet many times but I love it too much not to post it:

Expecting...

It seems as though when you expect to hear from him, it doesn't occur. Sucks sometimes. But I'm slowly realizing that this is not all about me here. This lifestyle. The military. This whole experience is to teach me something. Help me grow. Go fourth in the will God has called me to go in to be a blessing unto others. But can we help that we feel the way we do? Spouses. That it can be the most lonely life anyone has ever had to deal with. That no matter how experienced you become in being a military spouse that sometimes (even years after your first deployment has come and gone) you lay awake at night...lonely, crying, heart broken. Because you realize that it'll be months before you'll get to see, kiss, hold, even touch the other half of your soul again. & to realize that when they do return it'll only be as though you're to borrow them for a few months before you have to face that same pain again...I'm convinced that even the most logical of human beings can never become "used" to this. I mean, it's easy said...but to actually achieve it? Is a little different. But this is the mission. God has called me to this circumstance for a reason. To be a vessel of some sort. What? I'm still unsure of, but once I find out I'm sure that will make this a lot more fulfilling...in the mean time, I'll just be missing...


the other half of my soul.

No news is good news...?

So, In the military they have this saying for spouses when going through deployment and worrying...

"No news, is good news."

Well, I seriously hope that's true b/c I haven't heard from my husband in almost 3 days and although that may not seem like a lot to some people it is when you're used to hearing from them at least every other day OR no more than two days. I'm getting a little worried. I'm trying not to but it's extremely hard b/c so much can happen in so little time. I'm just praying everything is okay and I hear from him soon b/c I'm literally sick to my stomach as of now.

:(

One week of NO drama, just ONE!

I just wish I could have one GOOD week of NO *My side of the family* family drama...like, just ONE! Smh...

Story.

Of.

My.

Life.


There HAS to be a test somewhere in this...and God is using my family to test me. I'm passing, but with a "C" average. I just want some peace. Is that too much to ask? A week where I don't have a completely dysfunctional family of drama and chaos. Does that happen? Can it? Will it? *sigh*

As if going through my first deployment as a FRESH newlywed, moving to one of the most expensive cities in the world over 600 miles away from everything you know and are comfortable with to chase a dream that has the probability of 1/1,000,000th of a chance of actually happening with literally a dollar and a dream, isn't enough for one person to take...


But I digress.

Sometimes you make me smile...

To my love: Whenever I hear this song I smile with great appreciation that I too, have those exact same feelings with you..

When I think of you.
You make me smile
Sometimes you make me smile,
I can feel you.
I’m missing you.

Where is my heaven?
Where can you be?
How do I get there?
Do I believe?
Where is my sunshine?
Where is your light?
I wanna see you,
So you can make me smile.

Sometimes you make me smile, I can feel you.
I’m missing you.


The most fragile part of me,
Nurses our strongest connection.
You live in my memory.
With a philosophy,
That now offers me completion.
I’m so well.
And it’s strange to be.
I’m torn by misdirection.
You’re my ambassador.
You personify my admiration.
So beautiful.
I live for you.
As you live for me.

This is such a happy ever after.
You traveled miles,
Now we’re past the finishing line.
We’re starting on time.
My music wears your name,
If they knew where to look.
They’d find it.
You showed me.
I am I,
Because you be.
Forever.
So magnificent.
The most amazing story I ever told.
So much more to be written.
Thank you.

Sometimes you make me smile, I can feel you.
I’m missing you.
My love,
Love.
Love.
Missing my love.
I know I can hear you.
I’m missing you.

I only pray my skin be as soft as yours.
My wisdom flow so fluidly from my mind.
My eyes speak so truly of my spirit,
And my laughter speak the clarity of time.
You were once the I, that’s now missing you.
You were once the baby, born.
And you had dreams of making a difference in the world.
My journey was formed.

I feel you
I hear you
I see you
I BELIEVE IN YOU!
But I cry.
I cry
My light...My light.

I need you! I love you so much baby! 

Forever yours